Ragtag Mama

So it was so nice to see my family as they were waiting for me in Nashville. Christopher had decided that he would head home the next day but I just couldn’t bear the though of getting back in the car to drive another 6 hours back home. I decided that we would leave Thursday morning. This way I could help my Dad do a few things around the house and visit with him too. I did a few things around the house and I just couldn’t stand being in the house by myself without my mom and thinking of my Grandma. I just kept crying and well that wasn’t good for my kids. So the kids and I went out to the outlet mall that was like  20 minutes from their house. I was really just interested in the Bath and Body outlet. I got some really nice stuff for not too much. We looked at some of the clothing stores for the kids but didn’t find much. We enjoyed a good meal of beans and cornbread or well Dad and I did the kids however didn’t really eat much and Dad and I were suppose to cut the grass but since it rained almost all day that didn’t happen. Dad and I watched the Yankee Game and headed to bed.

In the morning we got  up, I finished up a few things around mom and dad’s house and then we left. Drove all the way to Chris’ parents house for dinner. We were celebrating my newphew Joe going away to a boarding school for high school. I decision that I know my sister in law and brother in law did not make lightly. I know that he will do very well once he gets settled in.  And then we finally made it home.

As glad I was to be at home I was also sad that I wasn’t with my family. I wanted to be there to support them but really Grandma had made little to no change and I think we were making Grandpa overwhelmed with all of us there.

On Friday morning at 9:30 am I got the call from my Dad saying that they were taking Grandma to surgery and she only had a 20% chance of coming out. However that is not really what my Mom said but she was crying so hard I am sure that is what he got out of it.  At  11:30 my Dad called and said that they were waiting for my mom’s sister, my Aunt Shell, to get there and they were going to withdraw treatment. Aunt Shell was already on her way to drop my cousin, Payton, off at college.  I knew that it would be a while before she got there and knew that it would take awhile for her to pass.  I knew that some people hung in for days and even weeks. I was just ready for her to stop suffering.

I talked to my parents Saturday afternoon as they were at my Grandparents house taking a break. An hour later my Dad called and he could hardly talk. “She is gone” I got off the phone with him as quick as I could. My Grandma finally went home to the arms of Jesus on Saturday August 21, 2010 at 12:30 pm.

Even now I am so shocked to think that she isn’t going to be there anymore. Even though in my head I know that she won’t be there my heart just hasn’t accepted that fact. Did I cry? Of course I did. I mean she is gone, I just couldn’t do it on the phone with my Dad. My mom called later to check on me and tell me that my Grandpa was having her cremated and he would have a memorial mass next Saturday. I told her then I was going into work tonight. I need to not just sit around. I needed to keep busy.

And that I did. Over the next couple of days I worked and did the things that we had planned for the week. Monday and Tuesday I cried off and on because all I could remember was my last moment when I talked to her and hugged her. It was July 17 when we celebrated Mia and Kendra’s birthdays at her house. I was a mess even though I was busy. I worked Wednesday and Thursday nights and headed to my Grandparents on Friday.

… One more to be continued.

We all finished watching Whale Wars and went to bed in hope that we would enjoy the day tomorrow together in celebration. However around midnight we got a call saying that my Grandma was going to surgery because there was a hole in her colon.  I knew then that things were going sour. I then couldn’t go back to sleep I tossed and turned and tossed and turned. I talked to Christopher a little wondering if he was still awake. About an hour later we got the call that it was ugly, the doctors’ didn’t think that she was going to make it out of surgery. Mom asked me what I was doing and of course I was going to Toledo to tell Grandma that it was okay to go home and that I loved her. I asked Christopher what he was doing because my parents just need to know what they were doing with the dogs. He said that he would stay with the kids and the dogs. So at about 2:30 CST we headed for an 8.5 hour drive to Toledo. It was a hard drive to make. I didn’t sleep much just a few here and there. Mom and I took turns crying while dad drove.

When we made it to the hospital she was still there and actually doing fairly well for  the situation. She of course was in ICU with all types of tubes and what not. We spent the rest of the day there taking turns visiting her, crying on and off. That night we headed back to her house. I tried hard not to let my Mom see me cry because I thought about how she may never come back home to her house. I can just remember look at the mostly dark house the breeze blowing a little holding the bag that held my clothes. I just hoped that she was strong enough to come back to the house where not only do I have all my childhood memories of her but where my mom grew up. I was exhaused from the days event and ready to sleep but I didn’t sleep as well as I hoped. I tried to position the window air conditioner so that it wouldn’t blow on me but no prevail it blew on my face all night. Even having my fuzzy on my face wasn’t helping.

The next couple of days were the same. 12 days at the hospital and staying the night at Grandma and Grandpa’s house just long enough to sleep. One day my parents and I did go to Meijer so that they could pick up a few things and I picked up a couple of books because I was reaching my sit around and doing nothing limits.

The good part about all of this was being able to spend quality time with my family. The reasons that we were together sucked but it was nice to have one or more good conversations with each family member.

On Monday night Dad and I decided that Grandma was stable enough to head back to Nashville  the next day. I went in while Grandma was on a sedation vacation. This means that even though she still had a tube in her throat, they turned off her vent and her sedation for an hour. While I was there she was able to open her eyes at me a little and know that I was there. I told her that she was doing so well that Ephriam and Kendra needed me to be with them. I gave her a kiss and left the room with out her seeing me crying.

… To be continued.

Okay I am officially ready to see the calendar say 2011. This year has been a trying time in my life. I am not complaining because sometimes in order to grow we must face challenges. I was just hoping that they all wouldn’t come at once but so it seems that they have. I know that once we get through this valley in life there will be great rewards.  The best part about all of these challenges is that I know I am never alone and I never have to carry the burdens of life by myself. God is right by my side even carrying me on the toughest days, even when I don’t see the light in the darkness. I truly can feel God right there with me.

So here is what has been happening right since I last blog:

On Aug. 12 I headed for a road trip of just the kids and I to my parents house 6 hours away just outside of Nashville, TN. Chris was coming later alone because he had somethings he wanted to do around the house without little hands around to “help”.  The kids and I got there just before dinner time and enjoyed stretching our legs and visiting with my Mom. When my Dad got home from work we had dinner and then headed out to their pool for a swim. We swam even while it was dark outside and Kendra got out of the pool a couple of times to tell me how much she loved swimming in the dark. Yes it was a treat since it was already WAY past their bed time but hey we were on vacation. We of course went to bed late and like clockwork the kids were up at 7 EST or 6 CST. We didn’t move around too fast in the morning, Kendra enjoyed morning coffee with Nana in her very own cup and Ephriam ran in and out of the house to the backyard with the dogs.  My dad of course had to work and Mom only had a meeting  from 9-12 so we all got ready and headed out. Mom went to work and Chris, the kids, and I headed to the castle play ground before it got too hot. In the hour that we were there the temperature rose 10 degrees.  It was now pool time! We swam till my mom got home and then had lunch, rested for a bit, and then headed back out swimming. Came back in had dinner and settled in for the evening.  The kids had baths and we had made some plans for our ‘party’ the next day. We put the kids to bed and settled in to watch Whale Wars. I am not sure exactly when but my mom got a phone call saying the my Grandma was headed to the hospital again for her chest pain. This pain had been going on for about 2 months or so and no one could figure out why. I really didn’t think much of it but in my heart I knew something was seriously wrong

… to be continued

I should say little computer time. This means that starting tomorrow I will not have my e-mail up on the computer all day or even have tweets coming to my phone. This means getting away from social media and enjoying my family. Since I haven’t seen my parents, brother, and sister in law since May I thought that it would be a good time to focus on my family. The kids can’t hardly stand it that they get to see all of them this week. I think last night alone Kendra asked 500 times if tomorrow we get to see Nana and Grandpaw. Thursday they won’t be able to contain themselves and with be overly wild. I am glad that they are excited and not dreading it. I am glad that my parents are so very important to my kids. Not that Chris’ parents aren’t but the kids see them more frequently then my parents.

I also finally broke down and went to the doctor yesterday about my joint pain that I have been having for weeks. She thinks that it is probably due to a virus but stuck me for some lab work anyway to be sure. She also gave me a steroid to ease the pain that I am having. I am hoping that it really is just a virus and will be gone in another month or so. If not of course we will figure out how to deal with it but something that is only temporary sounds much better.

Chris also informed me tonight that the developmental and behavioral ped finally got decided to call his doctor back so I am hoping that we will hear tomorrow from her to see what is next. I would really love to hear from her and get things moving again before Ephriam gets back into school. We will see though. It is at least some progress.

So I think that is it for now. When I come back to the computer I will hopefully have lots of picture postings to do. Enjoy the week!

FW

Right now I am on vacation from my job outside the house but that doesn’t mean that my job at home has stopped. Actually we have been busy full filling before school appointments. Eye appointments, therapy, check ups ect.  We are also preparing for a week long hang out with my family that lives just outside of Nashville.  We haven’t seen them since my brother’s wedding at the end of May. It will probably take me weeks to detox after this week with them but we will enjoy being together and getting to do things.  I am enjoying being with my kids and my husband and NO I am not ready to return to my outside the house job and I might not be when I have to go back.

I spent the first couple of days at the Global Leadership Summit that is done out of Willow Creek church just outside of Chicago. However we are so lucky to have our church be host site for it so we were able to just go to church to see the same things that they see in Chicago.  There was a ton of things that Chris and I learned together. We are not only going to uses them in ministry and our jobs but also in the way we run our family.  It will be interesting to see how it goes. I hope to post things so that you can see the changes that we are going to make and how it is working out for us.

Well that is it for now. I have to get back to running around some more. I will blog more sometime later.

Love,

Faith

I have 4 more days of work and then I am off for 17! I can’t wait. A lot of people have been asking me what I will be doing with my time. Well the first couple of days Chris and I will be attending the Leadership Summit at church then we have a family reunion at Chris’ sister’s house, then a couple of off days before I have a jewelery party for Destiny Rescue, then we will be seeing my mom and dad for a whole week! I can’t wait! It will be nice to be at home and enjoy my kids for it is getting closer to them going back to school and I won’t have half as much time with them. Ephriam will be going to school full days this year which will be weird not to have him in the afternoon. However this may give Kendra the attention that she needs while he is at school and the 2 of us are at home.  We will see if that will really work or not.

What I am most looking forward to in my vacation is spending time with my mom and dad. I haven’t seen them since May and that was during all the chaos of my brother’s wedding and my grandparents anniversary party. This time even though the kids will be with me it will be quality time. I like too the slower pace of life we will have. It will be a blast to be with them. I am sure however that once we depart Kendra will have a MASSIVE meltdown. She loves her Nana and Grandpaw so much. We will all probably be exhausted by then too.  The day after we will have a recovery day and I am sure that we will all sleep in or at least I am hoping for that.

Well off to get a few things done today before I have to go into work.  YUCK but it must be done.

FW

Tonight is our last night at CinyKids.  The past 2 nights have been a blast! This has been the first year that they have done 4 and 5 year olds for CincyKids. For the past 4 years it has just been elementary kids. Let me just tell you how much our Preschool team ROCKS! These people really have a heart for the kids and are so silly with them. It was so much fun to see them interact with the kids and bring things down to their level. It was also great to see 85 kids raise their hands and worship God together with their parents.

On Wednesday night we read a story about kids who helped each other, made cards for the sick kids at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital, we washed the tables with shaving cream for the teachers, put finger prints on a city scape to represent lights, and had blast worshiping Jesus together.

Yesterday we went and did outreaches or reach outs as Kendra calls them. We pasted out little boxes of Tide at an apartment complex.  It was hard for people to be mad when a little kids smile and hand you a box saying here this is for you. The kids had a great time and learned to love on other people. We then headed back to church for game night. We played cheeto head game. Where a couple of parents sat and with rain ponchos on and whip cream on their there heads while the kids threw cheetos at them. The kids thought it was great fun! Then the kids put their hand print on a piece of a cross.  Then we went to large group and played some more games! Kendra and I were in a game where I had to feed her pudding blind folded. We were one bit away from winning! She did totally awesome and was the cleanest kid! We watched the next game where they had 2 teams trying to flip pancakes on a platter. It was too funny to watch a little kid flip a pancake over his shoulder without looking and an parent try and catch it. We also had a dance party to Toby Mac’s “Funky Jesus Music”. I felt like I was one of the few adults in the room that knew the song word for word.

Tonight we will be watching a magic show and doing E2. Not sure how we are going to do E2 because usually you pray and then follow vision that God gives you to do Jesus. Not sure how that is going to work with 4 and 5 years olds but I am sure that our team has a great plan.

I can tell you that even with most kids having parents in the room that this kind of work is exhausting! I am so worn out! I don’t know how these people do this week in and week out! But Thank You Jesus for giving them the gifts to do this. They are so special. It is also nice to hear your kids come home and tell you thing about Jesus, the Bible, God, and prayer.  Not sure how much Ephriam gets because of his delays but Kendra gets it. She tells us stuff all the time that amazes me.

Thank you Cindy, Bob, Penny, and all the people who give up their time to be with these kids every week. You ROCK!

Do you know that July is almost over? I can’t believe it! Did you know that we are less then 5 months away from Christmas? (Yes, in our house Christmas is BIG deal and we base A LOT of time on how close it is) I think that I have missed most of the month because I have been working overtime. Instead of working 36 hours a week I have been working 40-48 hours a week. That is anywhere from an extra 4-12 hours. With Chris not having a job right now the money has been needed.

So let’s start there. Yep Chris still doesn’t have a job but is opening his own computer buiness to see how it goes and if he can make enough money to support us. If you want to know more go here to find out more. Hopefully we can spread the word and he can do great work for less money then someone else would charge. Right now he is mostly incharge of the kids and the house work. He does a pretty good job staying up on things and I am glad since I have been working overtime.

Ephriam is Ephriam. He has been more vocal on things lately and seems to be working hard for his therapist. Still no word on anything yet for his doctor. Well, I take that back. She is waiting to hear from the Developmental and Behavioral Ped to see what he has to say. She talk to the Neurologist and he said he would probably do some chromosomal studies and go from there but he can’t say much since he hasn’t seen Ephriam yet. The Neurologist did say that we have done the important things with the MRI and the EEG. Right now it is probably good for him to havea break from the testing and just be normal.

Then there is Kendra. She misses her Mommy. Since I have been working overtime she is like glue on my hip, she doesn’t let go and likes to be there. She wants to do whatever I am doing and keeps asking to help over and over, even after the billionth time of me saying that there is nothing she can help with right now. She hasn’t been sleeping well lately but I think she is running into crash and burn time and will be sleeping more soon. She is OVER THE TOP excited to be 4! She enjoyed her birthday parties but was sad that not everyone came over ON her actual birthday. She picked pepperoni, carrots, and celery for her birthday dinner (yeah I know, I had to work hard to make some sort of meal out of that and ended up with a buffet!) She is so excited about getting to see her Nana and Grandpaw soon and felt special that they called to wish her a happy birthday.

Me, nothing much to report. I keep plugging along being a wife, mom, student, and HUC. Lately my body has reached its limits and have been slowing me down from my fast pace life. The more rest I get the better I feel. I am hoping all will resolve when I am on vacation for 17 days in August and resting well if not I will proabably have to go and see a doctor. We will see how things go. I am also very excited to be seeing my mom and dad soon. This summer has been hard not seeing them from May to August but we have hung in there. Next year maybe all different.

We are all just waiting to see what God has in store for us next. Waiting on the opportunities to come up. We are just waiting. Yep, sure did pick the right word this year. Waiting.

Up next Cincy Kids, Staycation, visit with Mom and Dad, and gearing up for back to school. I can’t believe that school will be starting but we have till September for that. I love that they are starting later and getting to enjoy summer more. Before we know it it will be Christmas! Yeah!

So how are things with you?

Am I one of the only honest people left out there? I mean I know some really honest people who I feel would do the same things I would do. But why is it that when you do something honest that sometimes you get looked at like a deer in headlights? Okay so maybe you don’t know what I am talking about so here is a recent true story:

Chris and I were at Meijer’s (one of my favorite places to shop, but mostly for groceries) we picked up 2 booster seats for Kendra since she is now 4 and several things for her birthday party. We got out to the parking lot, where it felt like 110 degrees on the pavement and noticed that Kendra’s party hats and one of her coloring gifts were under one of the booster seats and had NOT been paid for. Being the honest person I am I took them back in to pay for them.  The greater saw me come in the door and I of course explained what I was doing. She looked at me like I was some crazy lady! (Yes, I know that I am crazy but she doesn’t) One of the other employees says “That was really honest of her.” People, I didn’t pay for them and walking off with them would be STEALING. My conscience would NEVER let me get away with that. NEVER! So yes, I walked around to the cash register and paid for the couple of things that hadn’t been paid for and went back out to the car where Chris was waiting patiently on me.

Most of the people that I know would have gone back. I don’t know too many people who would have just walked off with anything. Why is it that honesty is suprising? Should we all be in practice of this? I know that our world is getting to be a dark place but don’t just more than the handful of people I know do this?

How about you? Would you have gone back and paid?

Here she is 4 years ago just minutes after being born. I can’t believe how little and quite she is. Oh how alert she was in that moment.

Today she is still alert but the quite, not so much.

Kendra,

You have made life an adventure for me for sure! You love to ask questions and get curious about everything. There seems to be never a dull moment with you.  Right now your favorite things to do other than talk are to color, draw, paint ect., paint finger nails, play mommy with your babies, and play dress up. You just can’t wait to go back to school and be in Miss Collins’ class. You are all girl and love to wear dresses. Right now your favorite person is your Nana, with Mommy coming in a close second. You love to spend one on one time with both Mommy and Daddy. You are the best sister to Ephriam. I know right now you don’t know how different he is from other kids but you love him and love to play with him. I love to hear you laugh and giggle together. I hope that you remain ever so close to each other. You also have heart for other people, you don’t like it when they are sad and want to make them feel better. Right now, I am so thankful that you LOVE to go to church. I also love it that you are learning great things about God there. You love Mr. Bob and Miss Cindy so much and mommy is greatful for them too. My biggest prayer for you is that you love God with all your heart, mind, and soul because all things are possible with him.  I thank him everyday for the gift of your life, even on difficult days with you, I love the ray of sunshine that you bring.  You are so special to me!

Love, hugs, and kisses,

Mom